So, it’s been a while…okay, a long while. Life has overwhelmed us and the blog took backseat. I want to catch you up on our life these past few months as I move forward with blogging.
Last time I blogged was November. November…wow, how did I let that many months go by? But, like I said, it’s been crazy. Before we knew it Thanksgiving was here and then Christmas. Both families were in town for Christmas and I was feeling less than great.
Early November we found out that we were expecting again. We were beyond thrilled, having prayed and tried for a long while, and having lost our baby girl at 16 weeks back in July 2011. We told our families over Thanksgiving and then began the morning sickness, or all day sickness!
The holidays raced by and then it was into the new year. And just like the holidays, it seemed like there was constantly something going on. Running boys to school, play dates, doctor’s appointments…just a busy schedule and I still wasn’t feeling great. So, sitting down at the computer or doing a project wasn’t really something I was up to.
February rolled around and we were now 17 weeks along with our baby. On February 6, I went to the doctor for my ultrasound and checkup. As soon as they pulled up the ultrasound picture I could tell…there was no heartbeat. I didn’t say anything, but just waited for the sonographer to confirm what I already knew. She scanned for a second and then said, “I’m going to get the doctor, we’ll be right back.” I’m sure those were just a few short minutes, but to me they felt like eternity. I immediately began to cry and ask God why. Why was God letting this happen again? Why would He even give us another baby just to take it away? Why did I have to be sitting here alone? I was heartbroken. A few minutes later the doctor came in, scanned, and confirmed what I knew. Our baby was gone. There were no words…just why….
The next few days were a blur as we checked into the hospital to deliver our baby. Several days later we delivered our baby boy. Adam and I felt blessed that we were able to see and hold our baby. We were overwhelmed with the love and care of the doctors and nurses. We were overwhelmed with the love and support from our friends, family, and our church. We knew that God was in control. Yes, we were hurting. Yes, we wanted to bring a healthy baby into our family to love. But, at the same time we rested in knowing that God loved us, was hurting with us, and that He had a plan…plans to prosper us, and not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). Plans to work all things together for our good because we love Him (Romans 8:28).
God continues to bring healing to my heart everyday. I think about that baby boy and baby girl everyday. I am thankful that one day I will see them again because of the hope I have in Christ. I continue to pray that God will bless us with another child. It is Adam and my desire to grow our family…to hold and love on a sweet little baby. Right now we are trusting that God has a plan…and we will remain faithful even in the midst our grief and healing.